Many times I have found myself wishing for a stronger desire for God. I wish I had a stronger desire to fellowship with Him, to serve Him, worship Him, and to read and obey His Word.
I use the word “wish” because I’ve realized that sometimes that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. Wishing. And in case you didn’t know, wishing really doesn’t get you anywhere.
Sometimes I know that I should be reading my bible, or seeking God in prayer- but I’d rather watch a TV show, play a game, or read some other book. I experience the conscious thought that I wish I desired to be with God more and with it the tinge of unsettledness that my desire is so weak. I think to myself, “if only I desired to be with God more, than I would be pouring over my bible instead of playing Donkey Kong or Scrabble.”
Don’t get me wrong. One- it’s not that I always feel such weak desire. Sometimes I experience that overwhelming feeling that all I have and all I want is Jesus. But oftentimes I just don’t have that sensation. Two- I’m not saying it’s wrong to play Donkey Kong or Scrabble. But when meaningless activity consumes my time while my Bible gathers dust and the gospel hasn’t passed my lips in a month- that’s a problem.
What about you? Do you always identify with these proclamations in scripture?
Job 23:12 “I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my portion of food.”
Psalm 73:25 “Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.”
Psalm 42:1 “As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God.”
Isn’t it true that sometimes we all desire things and leisure activities more than we desire God? Do you give preference to hobbies over and above obeying the commands of scripture? I know I do sometimes. Too often, if I’m honest.
I write to share with you a lesson God’s been teaching me this week. As I’ve been “wishing” that I desired Christ more, I realized something. Is Christ only as desirable as I feel that He is in that moment? Is He only satisfying when I experience that satisfaction?
Consider God’s kindness. Does God remain kind if an earthquake destroys your home? Or cancer consumes your body? Can anything that we experience change that nature of who God is?
That answer I hope is a resounding No! I’ve been realizing that this is a matter of faith and obedience. When my soul isn’t panting, and my heart isn’t leaping, and my feet don’t feel like joyously running to Jesus- I need to run to Jesus who is all satisfying, and all that I need, regardless of my weak affections.
I suggest you read Psalm 63 in full.
Psalm 63:1 says “O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.” I covet that kind of desire. But I don’t think David rolls out of bed feeling like this every day. I think he knows some things that are true about God. He doesn’t only know truth about God, He chooses to believe it, proclaim it, dwell on it, and rejoice in it.
In verse 3 he proclaims “Because Your steadfast love IS better than life, my lips will praise you.” Verse 5 says “My soul WILL be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips. Verse 6 continues “When I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night…”
I can’t wait to have the right emotions and powerful urges before I seek God. During those times when I don’t feel like worshipping God, I need to proclaim the truth that He is all my soul needs to be satisfied.
I think, when we worship Him despite our pitiful affections, God will work to increase our faith. He will meet the humble and needy soul. He may even bless us with the overwhelming sense of His nearness and His love- but if not, we know that He love us and draws near to us because His Word has told us so. We need to be people of faith, worshipping God because of who He is. He is worthy of our faithful devotion, and His spirit helps us in our weakness.
So, dear friend, I hope this encourages you to seek God with your whole heart today, even if your heart feels small. I trust that God will increase our love for Him as we persevere to make much of Him and less of ourselves on this earth.