Tag Archives: family

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Still Learning Through Suffering (A Life & Health Update)

God has moved in my life in mysterious ways, to teach me lessons I would not have learned by any other means. I have a wandering heart; I have an idolatrous heart. “Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love, here’s my heart, oh take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above,” is a song that I can sing and mean.

After Liza was born (you can read about that treacherous pregnancy here), I was done with suffering. I needed a chance to breathe, settle, heal, and adapt to life again with a newborn. The trials were behind me, and it was onward and upward, or so I thought. We had sleepless nights (of course) and nursing difficulties (again), but those things were expected, and I was just content to finally have my girl in my arms. That first month was hard, recovering not only from a C-section, but from the horrific pelvic separation I get during pregnancy. I remember having NO idea how I was going to care of this baby, but my resourceful husband tied a sturdy basket to my walker with soft blankets inside, and that is how I got her around our house the first month. It was difficult, but it was happy, so happy.

I don’t think Liza was more than a month old when my church split. Blogger Land isn’t the place to divulge all that, but let it suffice to say it was sudden, unexpected, and drastic. It was upheaval that I certainly wasn’t looking for at the time, and it shook me.

I was tired then, really tired, but who isn’t tired with a newborn who has her days and nights mixed up? But then one night, when Liza was 2 months old, I fainted and my husband couldn’t wake me up. He called 911 and I woke up by the time they arrived, but fainted again when I got to the hospital. My hemoglobin had crashed dangerously low, and I needed a blood transfusion.

I continued to be tired, and honestly, I have been tired ever since, and have especially struggled to raise my iron levels.

Somewhere in the mix of this, I realized Liza was not meeting her milestones. At three months old she still couldn’t raise her head off my chest at all, and wasn’t able to turn her head to look to the side well either. I didn’t handle that realization well at first. Why couldn’t I move past these long years of difficulty? Why would God put me through all these difficulties, and then place me in a situation where I worried daily for the baby I had waited so long for? I felt like all my happy moments were being tainted by the foreboding that hovered in the back of my mind, and I was driving myself crazy over it.

But you know what? God taught me about surrendering while I waited for that little peach to lift her head. He worked in my heart to accept whatever His hand had in store, and not to worry or be afraid. He took that worry from me, and when she was four months she finally lifted her head. And guess what? At 15 months old, she has started walking. She is doing great, and I have had extra joy at all of her milestones.

I turned 30 last September, and wrote about some of the lessons I learned in my twenties here. What I didn’t say, is that I really hoped, and even believed, that somehow the dawn of my thirties could mean the start of easier happiness. I don’t know if that expression makes any sense to you, but it does to me. Maybe my health issues could stay behind me. Maybe I could succeed in some of my goals. Travel somewhere. Further my education. Publish a book. Run around freely with my kids. Hike mountains with my husband.

Man I hate when the things I hope for in this life turn to disappointment. But I’m still just 30 right? There’s a lot of space between here and 40. Hoping can be such a difficult and painful endeavor.

Well, I think we have found the reason for my ceaseless exhaustion. I had a scope done through my throat and into my stomach before Christmas, which showed blood in the stomach and a large tumor which can be seen pressing into my stomach, changing the shape- kind of like how a fist pressing into a balloon would appear on the inside. The doctor said it has likely been developing for years, and it will need to come out. Continue reading

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Share It With Me- A Poem for My Daughter

Share It With Me

God’s wonders all around
It takes a two year old to see
The tiny movements in the feet
Of the gathering bee.

This day if I alone
Went for a walk down by the slue
I would not tromp through long, thick grass
To find the dragonflies like you.

I would not leave the trail
To weave and spin beneath the trees,
Leap from stumps, or watch squirrels bustle
Or hear the rustling breeze.

For an hour we could
Toss stones, and in ripples rejoice;
A nursery rhyme’s a prize told
To you in mommy’s voice.

Dandelions become
Flowers, picked and clutched in my fist,
And berry picking not a chore
But a picnic and bliss.

I would have missed the moon
If you’d not pointed to the sky
And the jets roaring overhead
As swift they pass us by.

Such clutter adulthood
Bestows with busyness and rush
I had forgotten how to lie
In grass and there to hush.

To you life is a gift
One that you open without shame
And throw yourself headlong into
‘Tis pleasure and a game.

To be so free from cares
In life, you will not always be
But while you are dear, precious gift
Keep sharing it with me.
Adelle

My blog is not a “mom blog” and I know this isn’t my typical post. Maybe you wonder how it correlates to “Come to Christ.” This poem is a reflection of the delight I have in my daughter’s good delight. Parenting toddlers is often connoted with dread and difficulty, not so much with delight. We’re all familiar with the phrase “terrible twos.” For sure, it is a task that challenges us and tests our patience at times. Sometimes I don’t feel like “dealing” with toddler things today. But more often I am overwhelmed with the beauty of this relationship and the joy of parenting my daughter. She is a gift from God, so I will celebrate that here. There’s not a lot of celebrating children in our culture today, and I think God is pleased when we rejoice in them.

I’m teaching her about Christ, and she’s teaching me too, about all the simplistic, wonderful things God has granted us to enjoy in His creation and in the love of family. His care is displayed in these marvelous things, and I am grateful. When I enjoy my child, I do so with a love for God. All good gifts here point us back to praise the giver- all praise be to His Name!