Meet Rachel, my friend who penned this guest post for me. We often don’t get to see the fruit of our preaching, but several years after I reached out to share the gospel with Rachel over email, she got ahold of me to let me know she had been saved! What a blessing and a joy. She lives out of province, but it has been wonderful to see her grow in her faith, and I’m thankful she took the time to share her testimony. Enjoy, and share with others who need it.

It’s early August at dusk and from my front deck I can see farmers’ fields and trees against the glow of the setting sun. I breathe in the warm breeze and let the sound of crickets and bleating sheep drown out the rest of the world.  As I sit here preparing to tell you how God brought me from New Age beliefs to Christianity, I realize that here on the farm is the perfect place to tell you about the Good Shepherd who left the flock to find me, His lost sheep. May the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the word of this testimony touch your heart and point you to Jesus and His great love. All glory and praise to Him.

I grew up as an only child in the mountains of a small city in B.C. I was blessed with a loving family who taught me good morals, hard work and responsibility. As a child, I was unfamiliar with religion but somehow acquired a little Gideon’s bible and tucked it in a special spot in my bedroom drawer.  That little bible seemed to call me again and again, but I was too scared to read its big intimidating words. Little did I know that it was God Himself calling me to salvation and that He would patiently and continuously draw me to Himself until I finally surrendered my heart to Him as an adult.

By the time I reached high school I had been introduced to New Age beliefs and was infatuated with the teachings of mediums and psychics. I enjoyed tarot cards, palm reading, Ouija boards and the like. I had already had my fair share of spiritual experiences, many of which were terrifying and yet strangely alluring. My heart hungered for God and spiritual things, but I didn’t know what spiritual arena I was playing in. Since I was experiencing the supernatural, I naively assumed that I was onto something good. I enjoyed the Christian friendships that I had made in high school and I admired their high moral standards and loving hearts. Imitating their good behaviors and attitudes, I was living a double life with a heart for the occult, under the guise of Christianity.

After graduating from Highschool I moved to Alberta to pursue my soon to be husband Adam and attend college. The following years were full as Adam and I bought our first house, went to school, worked, traveled, got married, had babies and eventually moved to our dream acreage.  Throughout this time, I was growing more deeply rooted in New Age beliefs, leaving behind any Christian theology I had once accepted. I was bringing home a gamut of occult beliefs and practices such as the law of attraction, meditation, reiki, spirit guides, channeled spirits, divination and anything mystical.

As I satisfied my sinful nature, I thought I had found god through the teachings of famous spiritual gurus. Looking back I can see that these New Age beliefs never actually pointed to God but instead to the idol of self, encouraging the worship of feelings and desires. I would pick and choose whatever teachings and ideas suited me, and as for truth, well that was whatever I wanted it to be. Sin didn’t exist and I was supposedly in control of my own life.  So here I was with everything I had ever wanted in life and I arrogantly thought my own hard work and the law of attraction had gotten me there. But despite my “perfect” life, I felt empty inside. I grew depressed, hardened, bitter, and angry. In all my spiritual seeking I had unknowingly opened the door of darkness and welcomed playtime with Satan himself.

As a new mother and I suffered from sleep deprivation and depression which I refused to admit to. I was completely at the end of myself.  One dreary and bleak morning as I sat at my computer searching for something to lift my spirits, I stumbled across a Christian music video. For some reason I felt moved to watch it, and even though it was a simple song, the Holy Spirit was with me in that room, calling me to Jesus. He touched my heart and I was in tears. Painfully aware of my need for God, His goodness and my lack thereof, for the first time I was willing to surrender everything to Him. Yet I still didn’t know how to surrender, or what that would look like.  Not knowing what to do, I just cried to God. For a brief moment I felt joy and freedom, and then once again, I pushed God aside. 

God wasn’t done with me though; shortly thereafter a Christian acquaintance of mine randomly sent me an email. She shared the gospel with me, my need for repentance and the love of Christ. She challenged all my new age beliefs and shared God’s Word with me. However, I had already hardened my heart towards God again. I didn’t see this as a move of God, and so I arrogantly blew her off. Even so, the love of God lingered and another seed was planted.

Fast forward a few years later and my friend’s words and the truth of the gospel continued to haunt me. I continually tried to push them off, but God had plans to finish what He started. One day I was bustling around the kitchen and thinking about something that I had learned in a parenting class. It was on the topic of unconditional love. As I was thinking about what unconditional love is and what that might look like and feel like, I heard a still, small voice very clearly say, “That’s how I love you.” It was so startling that it stopped me in my tracks. I stood motionless in my kitchen reeling over what I had just heard.  Not knowing who or what I heard, I thought, “Was that God?”

This unique experience made me realize that I still didn’t know who God was. It kick-started my hunger to find out who this loving God was and if what my friend has said long ago was true. Not knowing where to start I began diving into more new age books, this time by different authors, thinking that this would give me a new perspective. These books spoke about “god” and love, however, once again I was left feeling empty and frustrated. I found myself wondering, “How can I know if this is true?  I don’t want some guys’ opinion; I want an answer from God!” 

Immediately, God’s Spirit moved my heart and I began reading the bible. I began to study God’s word, but because my flesh didn’t want to submit to God, I also began studying Christianity critically outside of the bible. I thought it well to study other religions too. Thank God for His great patience with me. It didn’t take long to find out that Christianity and the bible are set apart from all the rest.

As I read through the New Testament, I faced the many astonishing and stirring words of Jesus. I was facing the fact that I was guilty of many sins and it mattered to God.  My ego and pride didn’t want to take responsibility for my sin and acknowledge the fact that I was guilty.

“For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard” (Romans 3:23.)

As I continued reading God’s Word, I was confronted with the reality of Hell, God’s holiness, and Jesus as the only way to salvation: “I am the way, the truth and the life; nobody comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6).

By God’s grace my heart softened, and I became repentant. Now grieved by my sin, God began lifting me up. He began showing me that He didn’t abandon me to sit in my sin or work my way out of it. Jesus was swooping in to save me, offering mercy, forgiveness and salvation through His finished work on the cross. “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” (John 3:17)

The more I studied the more I saw God’s unconditional, perfect love.  “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16.)

This loving, self-sacrificing God that I was reading about in the bible was the same awesomely loving God that had been calling me when I received that Gideon bible, watched the Christian music video, and read my friend’s email. He had been calling me to the cross of Christ since the beginning because that is where His love is demonstrated and fulfilled. It is also where my sin and darkness is conquered and put away from me. I was finally willing to do it His way and so in both fear and hope, I got on my knees and gave my life to Jesus.

In the next while, as I came closer to God, He indeed came closer to me (James 4:8). The Lord began changing me from the inside out, cleansing me from so much of the filth that was clinging to my mind and heart.  Finally, I was free. I began to experience real joy and peace in Christ. The love of Jesus filled my heart and helped me love those around me in a fuller, deeper way. The resentment and bitterness I had previously held onto disappeared and was replaced with love and forgiveness. My depression left and was exchanged for joy that moved me to share Jesus with others. Many of my sinful desires, habits, and tendencies lost their power overnight. The Lord has miraculously healed me on more than one occasion and has faithfully shown up to save me time and time again. The most wonderful part is that none of this happened by my own effort but in a moment by God’s power and grace.  He is the ever-loving Father who takes care of His children. I am thankful that He convicts me when I do wrong, disciplines me when I need it and faithfully loves me through it all; He is indeed a good and loving Father.

As I mature in Christ, I grow in realizing that I’m still a sinner in need of my Savior. I don’t have it all figured out and that’s okay because Jesus does. Despite my lack, I have hope and peace because Jesus is God and I can rest in Him as He guides me and carries me through all my sufferings, hardships and weaknesses. He is my strength, my wisdom, my hope, my salvation. My spirit sings along with the song lyrics from Christ Alone:

“In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song.
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand.”