Two years ago I had surgery to have my life-draining tumor removed from my stomach and thank the Lord it has been all clear scans since. But what I haven’t talked about much, is how it seems I woke up from that surgery with a hormonal disorder. It took around six months to figure out what was happening with my horrific mood swings, and it’s taken the full two years to finally feel like I’m not tempted to pound a “begin annihilation” button every month.

I don’t even know how to explain what I’ve gone through, other than perhaps the frequent going in and out of my sanity. The Lord knows. When I felt “good”, I often took on various new obsessions, and tried to make up for all the things I didn’t do when I felt bad. I ate vegan for four months and learned everything there was to know about veganism. Whatever a house wife could get into, I got into it- crafting, thrifting, plants, house renos, making beauty products. Hyper and edgy, I was easily consumed by whatever my latest interest was; I was driven, goal oriented, and had an extremely hard time shutting off. The hyper-activity was exhausting. Even when I tried to fix my thoughts on God, those thoughts would shift into overdrive and eventually wear me out.

When I was low, I felt incapable of anything. My mind took on a different life, constantly feeding me thoughts like: You’re a failure. Everyone is better off without you. Why are you even trying at life? Give up and go to bed. You’re an embarrassment.

What Blessing Could Come Through Mental Pain?

As a Christian, I know that by the Holy Spirit, I can put those thoughts to death and think right thoughts. But I think those who haven’t faced this kind of torment, don’t know how it can feel like a beast, separate from yourself, harassing you despite all the truth you know. Beating off a beast, who is clawing into your back all day long is grueling. Yes, through Christ, I can conquer. But man is it hard.

This in and out, up and down, has been entirely predictable based on where I’m at in my hormone cycle, so in the good times I would try to cram all the life I could into my days, wishing I could escape the gathering clouds.

If it has been confusing for those around me, it has been just as confusing for me. I’ve learned that my own mind is not a reliable source of truth, or sometimes even of reality. My perceptions about others, myself, about life and the world, can be way off, and much more sinister than real life. I try to be suspicious of my own thoughts, though it is amazing how false ideas throw their fists with such sway.

Yet, there is a peculiar blessing, in learning to distrust yourself, and in feel unstable. You either self-destruct or learn to lean on the One who is always trustworthy and reliable. As the hymn says, “On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.”

Here are 3 simple truths to help those who suffer with their thoughts and emotions:

1. We have the mind of Christ.

1 Corinthians 2:15-16  “The spiritual person judges all things, but is himself to be judged by no one. “For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ.”

There is, within believers, a completely sound, incorruptible, rational and holy mind. The Holy Spirit living in us grants us access to the knowledge and wisdom of God, in Christ Jesus. In mental suffering, you may feel incapable of thinking one right thought. Everything you should know escapes you, crowded out by harassing messengers.

If you find yourself, as I often have, under your bed covers, rocking back and forth repeating “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do,” then do the only thing you can do, and cry for help! Remember that Jesus Christ has given you a “Helper,” the Holy Spirit (John 14:26).

Romans 8:26-27 “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.”

If you are weak, and don’t know what to do or pray, then at least know there is a Spirit within you, that knows the mind of Christ, who will intercede for you according to the will of God. He who intercedes for you will help you! He is especially inclined to help you through the bible, to “be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2).

When you feel stuck, or even like you are losing your mind, thank God that the Spirit within you has given you the mind of Christ. Pray for Him to help you to escape the grasp of your fallen mind, and to discern God’s truths for you in the moment.

2. We have the peace of Christ.

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

Jesus is the giver and the source of our peace. Ephesians 2:14 says “He Himself is our peace.” Like salvation, peace is a gift, so it is not something you earn, or muster up from within yourself. If you aren’t experiencing peace, it helps to remember that you are not supposed to be your own source of peace in the first place. If the room is spinning, your mind whirling with it, remember that even if you are in turmoil, Jesus is peace. He isn’t lost, or confused, biting his nails. Ask him to help you to know his peace. Seek for truths about Jesus that give you peace, and pray that God would help you grow in this fruit of the spirit as you abide in Christ the vine.

3. He overcame the world.

John 16:33  “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Jesus promised we would have troubles. In a fallen world, with fallen bodies, and fallen minds, it’s not surprise that much of that turmoil springs up from within us. I find, the more that I remind myself that Jesus is perfect, Jesus overcame what I couldn’t, Jesus is in control, He isn’t flustered, He isn’t tripping over my brokenness wondering how he can still keep loving me and using me- the more I preach to myself the merits of Christ, the less consuming my mental suffering becomes. I learn that sanity and wisdom are in Jesus, so I can stop fretting about myself. Peace isn’t in me, or in you, and maybe Jesus is shouting that through the noise of your tumultuous mind. Maybe there’s something good to learn through the desperate times of mental suffering after all.