Are You an Angry Person?
Not many people are quick to say they are “an angry person” but both an overview of the bible and an hour of the nightly news, would convince us that as a whole, we are “angry people”. From raging wars, murder and hostile demonstrations, to workplace slander or marital disputes, you don’t have to go far to witness anger and its effects.
Some have a deep, simmering anger that perhaps bubbles up in resentment, self pity, or passive aggressive behavior. Others struggle to keep a cap on their anger, rushing into it red faced, giving “full vent to anger” (Proverbs 29:11).
Angry people can use rash words like sword thrusts (Proverbs 12:18). There is something in venting and stabbing that seems to relieve pent up anger. The problem is, you’ll be left with either self-hatred for your crimes, or smug self-justification.
We pack force behind our words by raising our voices, harshening our language, puffing ourselves up, and making others small. You may feel powerful, righteous, even skillful in argument, but anger never produces the desired effect on your opponent, unless your goal is simply to tear down and abandon. But this should never be the Christian’s goal.
What Makes You Become an Angry Person?
There are many reasons to become an angry person, but let’s stick with a common one for today: Hurt. There is so much wrapped up in that word. The closer you are to person, the deeper you feel the wound. Maybe, you’ve been hurt multiple times by someone, and you are left with a desolate understanding that you cannot change the other person.
Perceiving your vulnerability, you may become frustrated and fearful. For some, worse than this, is a feeling many of us try to avoid- sadness. Sorrow lies at the bottom of your gut and can be felt as a weakness. In other words, sorrow doesn’t make you feel powerful or in control, and some of us, more than others, strongly prefer control.
Lashing out can be a way of putting our armor on, as well as picking up the sword. We tend to drape the full weight of our hurt feelings over the shoulders of the other person, without practicing any self examination.
Are There Positive Effects of Anger?
We feel like giving full vent to our anger will maximize our impact on the other person’s heart; The harder we hammer, the more we’ll drive our disappointments home, so that they might finally get it.
We think, “Surely now, they’ll be motivated to change.”
But we don’t accomplish any worthy goals through unleashed anger. It doesn’t lead to healing and heartfelt reconciliation, nor does it bring people closer together; it only drives them apart. It obstructs the path to deeper understanding of each other and shared comfort. While we may induce guilt and condemnation in others, we’re unlikely to lead them to godly sorrow, forgiveness, and redemption.
Whether you feel better or worse in the aftermath of an explosion doesn’t really matter. Because the fact is, your anger has given you nothing.
As I mentioned before- we don’t have the power to change another person, or even to make them feel sorry. In assuming the fighting stance you might land a punch in retaliation, but you’ll also cripple yourself.
Uncontrolled anger reveals the paradox of human strength, manifesting instead as a profound weakness.
Proverbs 25:28 “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.”
Does God Want Us to Ignore Our Feelings?
The truth is that God made us emotional creatures, as people made in his own image. God himself displays a vast array of emotions all through the pages of scripture, including in the person of Jesus Christ who experienced betrayal, sorrow, anger, and even desperation.
Regarding sadness, we have a God who comforts us in our sorrows, and who is no stranger to grief himself (Isaiah 53:3).
Concerning anger, our greatest problem may not be the feeling itself, but rather our hastiness. Anger informs us that something is wrong- but it’s possible that the thing that’s wrong is ourselves. Our self righteousness, idolatry, and selfish expectations.
This makes Psalm 4:4 good, but unpopular advice: “Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.”
The above verse also implies that sometimes we are right to be angry. However when we respond hastily to hurt and anger, before turning to Christ and receiving his ministry, we’re unlikely to meet those who hurt us with any humility or compassion. The term “blind rage” holds true- we don’t even perceive ourselves or reality clearly when we are mad.
God isn’t asking you to stuff your feelings, and in fact, that isn’t wise. I’m also not advocating that Christians should tolerate being sinned against silently, or even that we should not express our expectation that someone sinning against us should stop. Sometimes real world consequences for those who hurt others are not only fitting, they are necessary and even commanded.
(Please note, in cases of physical, sexual, and even verbal abuse, I would advise seeking outside help and safety.)
Extreme situations can require swift reactions, but generally speaking, God’s command to “be quick to hear, slow to speak, (and) slow to anger” is a guiding principle for nurturing patience and wisdom in our responses. (James 1:19).
The Anger of Man Does Not Produce Righteousness
Continuing to the next verse in James “…For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:20)
Is it possible to slow down your anger enough to think about the righteousness of God? When you are sinned against, what do you seek? Groveling, payback, domination?
If we love God, our goal is not only that we could please him in our responses to others, but also that the person who offended us could please him too. We should want God to work reconciliation and the beauty of redemption in the midst of our conflict. This requires genuine heart change, the kind that can only be wrought by God, in God’s ways.
Again, your anger is a useless tool to effect lasting change in others.
Love: A More Excellent Way
After teaching about the gifts of the spirit and before moving onto the most well known verses on love, Paul tells the Corinthians “I will show you a still more excellent way” (1 Corinthians 12:31).
Love, he says, is superior to anything else. In fact, the way of love is so much greater than any spiritual gift, that all acts of faith or sacrificial service done without it are rendered utterly void and unprofitable (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).
It may seem ridiculous to say at this point, but: Is it possible that love is a better way than anger?
We all know the answer is obvious. But humbly consider, how often do you unfasten anger from your toolbelt in an attempt to fix someone, rather than showing the love that can truly convict and heal? Perhaps like me, you’ve invested faith in the power of your own anger. We need God to remove the scales from our eyes and show us what a flimsy tool our anger is.
We have a better way, God’s way. It requires faith, hope, prayer, and trust. In many ways, it’s harder than anger, but not in the long run. Because God’s way is able to produce righteous fruit, and our anger is not.
There is perhaps nothing harder than accepting that you don’t have the capacity to make someone admit their fault or change. In weakness we must cast ourselves on Jesus, seeking first his kingdom and his righteousness (Matthew 6:33), asking him to heal our hearts and satisfy our deepest longings.
Isaiah 58:8
Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,
and your healing shall spring up speedily;
your righteousness shall go before you;
the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.
